Creating Happiness in Your Life: A How-To
Written by: Dr. Martin Rovers
Happiness is defined as a mental or emotional state of well-being, often characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Perhaps some people are born with a happy disposition, but research seems to tell us that much of happiness is about working to achieve it as opposed to just good luck. The question becomes then are you willing to do the work to arrive at authentic happiness.
The first way happiness can be cultivated is by identifying and using many of the strengths and traits we already possess, such as kindness, originality, optimism, and generosity.
“Happiness cannot be pursued: it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself” –Victor Frankl
In other words, in a odd paradox, when I am seeking contentment and meaning for others, I will find it also for myself. A kindness or generous act to others can bring happiness to them and to me. Living my life with an optimistic spirit puts a smile on the faces of others, and also on myself.
Kindness to others is something I can take responsibility to learn today, and allow the side effects of happiness to come visit me tomorrow. It takes practice to intentionally look for ways in which you can do something for others. Make notes when someone close to you expresses a desire that you could help satisfy, or when a need arises that you could address.
Secondly, happiness comes by living authentically, and following a good conscience. The research and wisdom of positive psychology has much to offer us today in terms of living more congruently with our values and what and who we want to be. One exercise that you could do stems from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, where you write out your values in the various domains of life: family, friendships, work, etc. Then check and see what you are doing, or perhaps not doing, that is congruent with these values. It can help to point you in directions that allow you to live more closely to your values, and thus, feel more contented.
“Happiness is when what you think, and what you say, and what you do, are in harmony.” — Ghandi
Lastly, and this is key, you must not let your own pursuit of happiness stop you from allowing others to help you as well. This is the flip side to the first point, in that we cannot be fully happy unless we allow others to give us the gift of help as well.
Research seems to tell us that more money, or more education, or social status do not necessarily mean more happiness. Yes, we need the basics of life, but after that, happiness seems to be more about who we are than what we have.
Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. And happiness is all about character.
Sometimes this movement to experience more happiness needs someone who can support us, help us to develop insight, and provide the relational safety needed to make changes in our work, relationships, and other areas of life. This might be where seeking out professional counsel from a Capital Choice Counselling Group therapist would be helpful and necessary. To book an appointment, you can call Capital Choice at 613-425-4012.
Written by Dr. Martin Rovers, Marriage and Family Therapist with Capital Choice Counselling Group. You can check out his profile here.