From Falling in Love to Couple Therapy

Written By: Martin Rovers, Ph.D., with Capital Choice  Counselling Group

Falling in love is easy but relationships require work, and sometimes that means coming in for couple therapy. It can be hard to decide as a couple when to see a couple therapist. After the “falling in love” stage of a relationship, there usually is a “honeymoon is over” stage. During this disillusionment stage, we can begin to see the faults in our partners, or get frustrated that things they seemed to have promised in the beginning and are happening less frequently. The finger usually points to the other partner, with some reluctance or fearfulness to see our own contribution to the couple problem.  It begins to feel as if there is insurmountable differences between us and our partner. For a lighter look at this difference, check out this video:  

Loving couple sitting on window ledge embracingLove might be blind but marriage is a real eye opener!

Couple therapy can help partners see that what is happening here is that old wounds of childhood and family of origin are beginning to dance in the couple relationship.  Couple therapy from this modality allow partners to name, claim, and tame their wounds while becoming more mindful and emotionally connected to their partner.   Working our way through the family of origin wounds can give us a better appreciation of myself and my partner, in real human terms. If you are asking yourself whether or not you and your partner should attend couple therapy, it might be the time to consider booking a consultation. You maintain the health of your teeth every 6 months, and of your body every year. Investing in the health of your relationship is important too.

All relationships need to move from “falling in love” to loving. Loving is the choice to accepting and affirming myself and my partner, love and wounds and all. It makes us real.


Written by Dr. Martin Rovers, Marriage and Family Therapist with Capital Choice Counselling Group. You can check out his profile here.