We all know what anger is and that everyone gets angry from time to time. This is normal, and often a healthy human emotion to express. Anger lets everyone know that there is something wrong.
Anger can range from mild annoyance to frustration, and all the way up to rage. I am allowed to be angry: I am not allowed to hurt people with my anger. But when I let my anger get out of control, it can become destructive and hurt others. That is when problems begin and anger management becomes a necessity.
Don`t let anger become an uncontrollable problem in your relationships. Here are some anger management tips to help you manage your anger and bring it under control.
Name the anger!
Anger can be a helpful emotion, help us notice something is wrong, and gives us energy to make a change, but when anger becomes an unwelcomed threat to self and others, we need anger management. Those of us who have an anger management problem need to be able to see the anger coming 5-10 seconds away so that we can name it coming. Often a word from another, or a certain look, or tone kicks our anger into gear fast, but anger has a process, and a path, and we need to see it coming and name it as the anger it will soon be.
Take a time out! When anger comes to visit, we adults need to do the same thing we teach our children: Time out!!! Stop! Say nothing! Take a few minutes to grab hold of my angry emotions and try to calm down. Stop and think! I need to learn to engage my brain before engaging my mouth. Go for a walk if needed, and tell your loved one when you will be back to continue the conversation. Try relaxations techniques.
Express your emotions and anger in constructive ways!
Start with I-statements rather than the angry you-blaming statement. State your observations and concerns clearly and calmly: you have every right to feeling angry, but no right to hurting others with anger.
Written by Dr. Martin Rovers, Marriage and Family Therapist with Capital Choice Counselling Group. You can check out his profile here.
